An Interesting Thing About Golf...
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
Sports
Whether you play in the big leagues or just watch from the couch, these sports jokes are a home run.
Golf is a Hard Game to Figure.
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit it onto all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out, and for no reason at all, you really stink.
Scoring Golf?
I play in the low 80's. If it is hotter than that, I won't play.
Golf is Like...
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously, it won't work -- and both are expensive.
In Golf...
In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers. They shoot a six, yell fore, and write five.
Golf
This guy and a girl were in a golf cart and the guy drops his tees out of his pocket and the lady asks what is he doing? So, the guy says: I put my balls on them and I drive them.
FORE!
A man is out playing golf one day when he whacks the ball harder then usual. It goes soaring in the air, and the golfer yells, "FORE!"
He runs over to find his ball, and he sees a guy holding his head in pain. The man is shouting "I will sue you, and I will win 1 thousand dollars!"
The golfer replies "But I yelled 'fore,' so you can't sue me."
The man replies: "Four, thats better than just one! I'll take it!"
FORE
A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer.
When the first golfer gets to his ball he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss.
"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first golfer.
"That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to yell 'SHIT!'"
The Root?
What is the name of the baseball player who sits under a tree?
Babe Root!
An Important Phone Call
The following event actually happened to a famous basketball coach.
"When I first got a job as La Salle University's basketball coach, the phone rang and my wife told me it was Sports Illustrated. I cut myself shaving and fell down the steps in my rush to get the phone.
When I got there, a voice on the other end said, 'For just 75 cents an issue...'"
Little Brother
A 14-year old boy was helping his mom wash the dishes after dinner on a beautiful day. He says, "Mom, can I go outside? I want to play football." His mom says, "OK, but on one condition: you let your little brother play with you and your friends." The teenager replied with, "But mom, we already tried that. This time I want to play with a real football!"
Football
Why is a football pitch so cold?
Because of all the fans
I Hit Two...
A man said to his golfing friend, "I hit two of my best balls yesterday!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, I stepped on a rake in the bunker."
Football Boobies
ok,
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the Jags, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers known as Bucs, what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Great Fishing
Fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: "Any luck?"
"Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday," he boasts.
"Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger.
"Nope."
"Well, meet the new game warden."
"Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?"
"Nope."
"Meet the biggest liar in the state!"
Old Standards
Recently a family court judge was interviewing a 15 yr. old boy, asking him which parent he wanted to live with, his mother or father? The kid said he didn't want to live with either one -- that both of them beat him all the time. The kid said he wanted to live with the Dallas Cowboys -- they never beat anybody!
Cow U.
What does the "O" and the "N" stand for in 'CLEMSON'?
The "O" is for honor, and the "N" for knowledge.
Quarter Back
Why did the coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back!
2 Things I Find Ironic in Sports
1. The Yankees General Manager's name is Brian Cashman.
2. Barry Bonds' initals are BB, the abreviation for a walk is also BB.
Strike Bowling
Lisa was playing bowling with her friend Marie. Lisa got a strike, then one more strike. Then, she got another strike. She had just gotten 3 strikes in a row!
"I just got 3 strikes in a row!" said Lisa.
Marie said, "You're out, you just got 3 strikes in a row!"
Hawaii Hockey
As is known, there is a large leper colony in Hawaii. To help ease the pain the patients have while there, a hockey rink was built to provide them entertainment. Only problem was that only one game ever got played on the rink. Within two minutes of game time, there was a face off in the corner.
Fruit Roll Up
I was eating a fruit rollup once, you know, with the paper on the bottom...well the instructions were "Do not eat paper." Noooo! I thought the paper was part of the snack!!
Chicago V.s. Green Bay
If you ask a Bears fan what his or her two favorite teams are they would be:
- The Bears
- And whoever the Green Bay Packers are playing.
Base Stealer
Why were the police at the baseball game?
Because someone stole second base!