Black, White and Red
What's black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
Misc
A hand-picked collection of the top misc jokes updated for 2026. Perfect for sharing with friends and family.
Guy with no Limbs
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?
Bob!
Blonde Deflowering
What does a blonde say when she loses her virginity?
"So are you guys all on the same team?"
Arkansas Toothbrush
How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
If it was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".
Closet
What do you call the skeleton of a blonde you find in a closet?
1950's Hide-n-seek champion.
Blondes Head
What's a blonde doing if her hands are covered tightly over her ears and her mouth is completely shut?
She's trying to hold onto a thought.
Grand Theft Auto
Why did the blonde steal a parked police car?
She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. (Porsche 911)
Bravery
What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Santa
How does santa greet the three blonde sisters?
Ho. Ho. Ho.
New York
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
Sign
Laundromat sign:
Automatic Washing Machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
Boomerang
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
Psychic
What do you call a short psychic on the lam?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small medium at large!
Look Out For Cops
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."
Two Blonds
Two blonds decided to go shopping. A few hours later they come out and the first blond realizes that she has locked her keys in the car, so they spent a few hours pacing around the car trying to figure out what to do. Finally, the first blond looks off into the distance and sees storm clouds. She turns to her friend and says, "Quick, think of something because a storm is coming and I left the convertible top open!"
Square
Why are the blonde's boobs square?
She forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
Groups
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursdays
at 7:30 to 8:30, Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use
large double doors at the side entrance.
Faces
"I never forget a face. However, in your case, I'll
be glad to make an exception."
-Groucho Marx
Definition of Diplomacy
Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Lone Bones
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because it had no body to go with.
Blond and Grenades
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!
A Side Order of Blondes
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.
Adventures in Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
Bill Clinton
What does Monica Lewinski and a coin machine have in common?
insert bill here!