How Does It Work?
An Engineering Major says "How does it work?"
A Science Major says "Why does it work?"
An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?"
A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"
Deep Thoughts
Prepare to question everything you know with these hilarious philosophical shower thoughts.
Vanna
Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.
Peacock
One day, an old man went to a teenager with spiked hair. He asked him, "Have you done anything crazy in your life?"
The teen replied, "No".
So the old man said, "Well, about 15 years ago, I was drunk, and I saw a porcupine. Now I am wondering if you are my son."
Smile!
Why does a blonde smile at lightning?
She thinks she's getting her picture taken.
Praying
Why is it that when we talk to God we call it
praying, yet when God talks to us we are schizophrenic?
-Lily Tomlin
Tight Skirt
Why does a blond wear a tight skirt?
To keep her legs closed
Santa
Why does Santa have such big balls?
Because he only comes once a year!
Blondes Go Fishing
Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One blonde said to her friend,
"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same blonde asked her friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
Her friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."
The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"
Have You Ever Noticed
That sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears.
Sometimes when you're sad, no one understands your pain.
Sometimes when you're happy, no one sees your smile.
But you just have to fart once, and EVERYBODY knows.
Wonder????
If you're fat. can you still disapear into thin air?
If you're fat, can you still have slim chances of doing something?
Talking Blondes
Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex?
Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers.
Blonde Nurse
Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?
A: To draw blood.
Spare Keys
One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car.
"If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned.
"Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the husband countered.
"Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in the glove box!"
IN the military
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, ..."It's only 2014 now."
Cheese Grater
Q. What did Stevie Wonder say about the cheese grater he got for Christmas?
A. It was the scariest book he had ever read!
Pantyhose Quiz
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
Now, think about it.....
Ready???
ARE YOU SURE???
A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find.
A Harvard English 101 Class...
A Harvard English 101 class was asked to write a CONCISE essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.
The only "A+" in the class read:
"My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
In Hillary Clinton's New Book...
"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts."
- Jay Leno
Supermarket
Why does a blonde keep lowering her head in the supermarket?
She is looking for low prices.
Stupid Blond
Why does the blond take off the doors from the bathroom when she is having a wash?
ANSWER: So no one would look through the keyhole.
Blond in a Car
Why is it good to have a blond in your car?
ANSWER: You can park on places for disabled
Mirror
Why does a blond stand next to a mirror with her hands on her eyes?
She wants to see how she looks like when she is sleeping.
Be Quiet in Mass
A teacher asked her children just before they were about to leave class for Mass,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet during Mass?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Two Blondes
Two blondes were sitting enjoying a view of the full moon.
The first blonde says; "I wonder which is further away? The moon or Florida?"
The second blonde replies; "Well, duh! The moon! Can you see Florida?"