Blond Snowman
Why is it so hard to make a blond snowman???
Because you have to hollow out its head!!!!!
Deep Thoughts
Prepare to question everything you know with these hilarious philosophical shower thoughts.
Dolphin Safe Tuna
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
Bush Visits a Classroom
President Bush was visiting a classroom where a teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the lesson clearer, he said, "Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run to my face."
"Yes, sir," one of the girls said.
"Then why is it," he continued, "that while I am standing upright the blood doesn't run to my feet?"
"Because your feet aren't empty," replied a boy in the back of the room.
Why Must We Learn This?
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?"
"To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
Dictionary
A man was searching the dictionary for the word 'Dictionary'. He found this meaning: Dictionary is the thing you are holding, Stupid. Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched for the word stupid, he found: Is that you again?
Coincidence
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer. "What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes," was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said, "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." was the answer.
KFC
Ever been to KFC? Ever notice that sometimes their toilets do not provide toilet rolls? Reason being that they uphold their motto: "It's finger licking good!"
Test Grades
A young brunette used to always wonder why her blonde best friend would get A's on all her tests and the brunette would get A-'s.
She thought that was a little weird, so one day she asked her friend why she got better grades, and her friend said that she just copied the answers out of her book, so the brunette said, "But none of them were open book," and the blonde says, "Oh, that might explain why no one was using their books!"
Redneck Marriage
Wonder if you are a redneck....Well, if you have been married four times and still have the same in-laws you must be.
Blowing Up Blonds
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for them to worry about blowing their brains out.
Lets Skip the Handshake
You know how, in the olden days, you were named for what you did? For instance, if you were a blacksmith, your last name would be Smith, if you were a baker, your last name was Baker.
It kind of makes me wonder what John Hancock's ancestors did for a living.
Cat or Wig? Brunette or Blond?
A blond goes up to a brunette that's wearing a puffy wig with two green ribbons on each front side.
The blond says "NICE CAT! HOW DID YOU GET IT TO BALANCE ON YOUR HEAD?"
The brunette tears up and says "ITS A WIG! MY FRIENDS TOLD ME IT WAS IN FASHION AND I GUESS THEY HATE ME!!!"
The brunette runs home and never noticed that she was talking to a blond. So in the end the brunette was a blond too.
5 Jokes (2)
1) Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She Missed!
2) What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?
Twins!
3) Why doesn't a blonde drive a BMW?
Because she can't spell it!
4) How is a blonde the same as a bottle?
Thier both empty from the neck up!
5) Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
She missed!
Ears to Ya
Ever wonder why your ears are where they are?
Just think, if they were on your butt, you would have to pull down your pants to hear what I'm saying
--REDD FOXX
Black and White
How many feet does a black rooster have?
How many wings does a black rooster have?
How many heads does a black rooster have?
How many hairs are on the back of a white cat?
Why is it that you know more about a black cock rather than a white pussy?
Me?
One day someone knocks on a blonde's door.
She asks: "Who is it?" and the person answers: "It's me!"
Then the blonde wonders, "Me?!?!?!"
Dumb Criminal
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
How to Know Your Joke was Bad
You know your joke is bad when....
- All the comments rated -2 or less are the ones that say they actually like it.
- There AREN'T any comments at all.
- People ask if you are boring in real life.
- It was so "not funny", that it was actually funny.
And last but not least
- There are absolutly NO duplicates of your joke because it was so bad.
(I wonder if I can say the same for this)
Golfing
Why does a man wear two pairs of pants when he goes golfing?
He might get a hole in one!
March
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march.
We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come. "Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," he continued, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."
Stars
A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, "When you see all the
stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?"
The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but wonder
if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do
you think of, Sergeant?"
"I think somebody stole the damn tent."
Brunette Jokes
I always wondered why there are so many blond jokes,but no brunettes. I asked a brunette friend of mine.
"Why do you think there are no brunette jokes?" I asked her.
"Well,that's a given. Blonds are too stupid to make them up."
Dark Ages
Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the middle ages as the dark ages?
Betty: Because they had so many knights.
Germs...are Kinda Like Forwards
Have you ever noticed people who cough/sneeze/do just about anything they can to spread their germs to everyone and everywhere? Well basically their theory is make germs like forwards. Try to get them around the world in 40 days or less. Lets try to get rid of these people rather then the avian virus before there is an epidemic. So to all those classmates who sit behind you and refuse to covertheir mouths-Good day to you all. In the words of Tiny Tim "and to all a good night."