A = b B = c A = c
a = b, b = c, a = c.
Math Teacher: If a = b and b = c then a = c. Now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.
Student: I love you, sir, and you love your daughter, which means I love your daughter.
School
Sharpen your pencils and prepare to laugh at the best teacher and classroom jokes.
Johnny...With A Big Head
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head."
His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."
New Principal
The new principal was talking to the teachers.
"Now, listen, my name is Mr. Prenis, with an "R". Please don't forget to spell it out clearly, so that the students dont laugh and such..."
The teachers assure him that they will remember it, and they go out to adress the students.
One of the male teachers steps up to the podium, and speaks into the microphone:
"Welcome, students, to another year at Rearview Elementary. I would like you to welcome your new principal, Mr. Crock..."
Really Old
My health teacher said once he was talking to this one guy and a student. As they were talking the student got curious and asked, "How long have you been teaching here?"
My health teachser replied, "Oh about 37 years."
The student said he must be old and the other guy, who is elderly as well says,
"Ya, and Jesus still owes me a buck."
Geography Class
Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.
School?
While visiting a relative in Chicago, a University of Alabama student went to a party where he met a very attractive co-ed. Attempting to strike up a conversation with her, he asked, "Where does you go to school?"
The co-ed, not at all impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, thought she would at least be polite and answer.
"Yale," she said.
Taking a deep breath, the UA student shouted, "I says, where does you go to school?"
Elfs
Q. What do elfs learn while in school?
A. The elfabet!
Football Pep Rally For the Deaf
One day at a school for the deaf (hearing impaired), they decide to have one of the students lead a pep rally for the football team. Here's how it went.
Rally leader: What are we gonna do?
Ralliers: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
R: Defeat them!
RL: I can't hear you!
Petty Girl
This truly happened in an advanced oral English classroom:
When the teacher asked the students: "What surprised you most in Tsinghua?"
One of them answered, "Well, I'd heard that girls in Tsinghua were terribly ugly before I came here. However, when I arrived here myself, I was surprised to find
there's so many pretty girls, some of them are even sexy......"
At that, all girls in the room smiled shyly. Then he continued, "But when the holiday was over, I found all of them had gone!"
Ticket
You're so ugly...
that when your mom dropped you off on the curb for school, she got fined for littering.
Use the Word...
Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya?
Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use the word "gladiator" in a sentence.
Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.
Columbus Day
The teacher stood at the front of the room. "Does anybody know what this Monday is?"
About half of the students raised their hands. The teacher pointed to one of them. "It's Columbus Day!" he crowed.
The teacher smiled. "It is. Does anybody know why we celebrate it?"
This time, only one student raised her hand. "It's the day the Indians discovered Columbus!"
How very true indeed.
Terrorist School
"I'm very sorry sir, but I don't have my homework with me- I left my bag on the bus."
"Well done! A+"
The Huged Handed Teacher
Teacher: Justin if I had ten tennis balls in one hand, and twelve in another what would I have?
Justin: Huge hands sir
Fooling A Blonde
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Blonde: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Blonde: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure.
The answer is 6!!!
Comparing The Presidents
Asked by his teacher to compare three presidents Johnny thought for a moment and said: "Well, George Washington couldn't tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth. And George W. Bush can't tell the difference."
West Side
My bus driver for my school is always trying to say that he's a gangster. But no one ever believes him so the other day I confronted him. So I asked, "are you really a gangster"? He sweated nervously, shaking and then he finally answered "of course I am I'm from the West Side". I did not feel that to be a sufficient answer so I then asked him "West Side of where"? He mumbled to himself a while and then answered me "West Side of Malibu".
An Actual Conversation W/ Friends
"That guy looks like Jesus... and so does his friend.. did Jesus have a twin?"
"No, at least.. I dont think he did.. never thought about it"
"Oh, well. Twins are awesome... hey, why is Jesus walking into our school? *gasp* what if he rapes us all?! JESUS IS A PEDO!"
"Calm down, Jesus isn't a pedo, he loves kids!"
"Gee, that helps"
What 2
What's better than going to school?
Having play time every day!
Maths 69
Maths teacher asks a blonde girl what comes after 69?" Essex girl replies "you wash your face and rinse your mouth DUH...!"
Fritzchen
The teacher asks in school: "What is the most important thing in socialism?" The students consider and little Fritz (Fritzchen) answers: "The most important thing in socialism is the human!" The teacher: "That is a good answer, Fritzchen. I will give you a B-grade." Fritzchen is dissatisfied and responds emphatically: "Would you maybe give me an A if I told you what the human's name was?"
Fritzchen II
The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It's 'Soviet friends'." Fritz responds: "Well, you can pick your friends."
Fritzchen III
The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, what is the difference between capitalism and socialism?" Fritz replies: "Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around."
Yuri Gagarin
The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that comrade cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin's car was stolen in Moscow during the celebrations?"
The Armenian Radio answers: "In principle yes, but it was not in Moscow, rather in Kiev, and it was not his car, but his bike and it was not comrade cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, but comrade highschool teacher Gagarin and his first name was not Yuri, but Leonid..."