Pie
A blond is in math class. The teacher says, "We are going to be learning about pi (3.14) today. Does anyone know what that is?" The blond says "I do. I made a cherry one this morning."
School
Sharpen your pencils and prepare to laugh at the best teacher and classroom jokes.
School Teacher
The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well, we're a mighty crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room" replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher."
"Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman."
"Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher."
What was That?
-Overheard by a professor in the halls a few weeks after the semester starts-
Male student to another male student-
"Yeah, I signed up for a women's studies course. It wasn't what I expected it to be."
"Really? Why is that?"
"Well, it involves all this reading about ancient goddesses, and about female empowerment. I thought the class would be a little more...hands on."
Blueberry Hill
One day a boy walked in the classroom. The teacher asked him why he was late; he said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. The next boy walked in and the teacher asked him why he was late; he said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. The last boy walked in and the teacher asked him why he was late. He said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. Then a girl walked in and the teacher said, "Let me guess, you're late beacause you were on top of Blueberry Hill". Then the girl said, "I am Blueberry Hill".
History Class
Today in history class the topic was the Incas. Hoping to see if the students had done the reading, the teacher calls on random students and asks them questions.
"Where could the Incas be found?" The teacher's first question. "Jonie?" foolishly she called on the blonde.
Not having actually done the homework, and only halfway hearing the question, she guesses: "In the pen?"
Airborne
After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school.
"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."
"What else," I asked.
"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."
"And the third week?" I asked.
"The third week, the fools jump."
Did You?
Bobby-Hey do you remember what the teacher said in fourth hour?
Jessica-?--------???
Bobby-Did you just have a blonde moment?
The Gum was Mad
Q. Why was the Gum so mad in class?
A. It was Chewed Out!
Spell it
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L."
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Internship
What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor?
Looking for an internship.
Grade Inflation
"Grade inflation," where assigned grades creep higher and higher, is a concern for teachers. What's the logical limit of grade inflation?
F - Student appears to be a multicellular organism.
D - Student has mastered many autonomic bodily functions.
C - Student can operate a writing instrument without harming self or others.
B - Student is able to form a complete sentence, on the second or third try.
A - Student has marginal to excellent understanding of the course material.
Math
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
Sunday School
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
A Wise School Teacher
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."
Teacher
Teacher: Whats usually used as the conductor of electricity?
Orville: Why-er....
Teacher: Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?
Orville: The what?
Teacher: That's absolutely right, the watt.
School Shoppin'
One time I went school shopping... AND BOUGHT THREE SCHOOLS!!!
Funny
one of my friends was in trouble because he had sex with his teacher, but the bad part is he's home schooled
Teacher/Train
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says "spit your gum out" and a train says "choo choo!!"
Difference Between Teacher And...
What's the difference between the teacher and the one who minds trains?
The teacher trains minds, the other minds trains.
Teacher
In a classroom, the teacher tell the pupils that peanuts make your smarter.
Then a pupil said: "Are you nuts?"
Teacher:...
Teacher: Julia, how can you say Asshole in a nicer way?
Julia: As holes.
Blind Date
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her room-mate.
"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner!"
Girliepie's Story
Girliepie has one that is really embarrassing! I tell it from her point of view -
It was the next to last day of school and I was walking in the hall with my friends. I saw my friend Jacob a few feet away from me, so I decided to say hi. We always play around, so I went up behind him and put my arm around him and said, "Hey sexy". He turned around and looked at me and it wasn't him! It was some kid I've never seen before in my life! My face turned beet red!
Class Trip
A student on a class trip to the natural-history museum asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard tells him, "Three-million-four years and six months old."
The student says. "How do you know that so precisely?"
The guard says, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."