Raking Leaves
Q. How did the blond injure herself raking leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree!
Misc
A hand-picked collection of the top misc jokes updated for 2026. Perfect for sharing with friends and family.
Submarine
Did you hear about the blond who tried to hijack a submarine?
She demanded $100,000 and a parachute.
Idiots Today
The idiots we have today.
They're so stupid they make turkeys seem smart.
They even make sponges seem smarter.
Laundry
A blonde buys a box of laundry detergent, and it says on the box, "20 uses".
A day later, the blonde calls the laundry detergent company and says, "I bought your product and the box says '20 uses', but all it does is my laundry!"
Analogy
Fill in the blank to this odd analogy.
Quiz is to quizzical as test is to _______
Did You Know?
Did you know that nobody can lick their elbow?
*75% of the people that read this try it*
Mother and Baby Match
What did the mother match say to the baby match?
Don't scratch your head.
I'm Telling on You
What do you say to a person who says that they are going to tell on you?
You say: Too late, I already told.
Teenagers
Why did the teenager cross the road?
Because his parents told him not to.
Government Power
What does the government have but never uses to make life simple?
Their power!
You've All Heard of TGIF...
You've all heard of TGIF - Thank God It's Friday, right?
Well my Secretary refers to Friday as POETS day...
Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday....!!!
Bill & Hillary..
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill continues sleeping. Hillary shouts, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?" Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
Oh Give Me a Break
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and the police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Magic Show
Billy asked his mother, "Can I go over to Little Johnny's house and watch the magic show?"
Billy's mother replied, "Whatever do you mean, dear?"
He answered, "The one Johnny's mom performs. I heard her tell Miss Figpot that she got $600 for doing six tricks last night. That must be some kind of show!"
New Condoms By...
Bounty - The Quicker Picker-Upper
Chevy Truck - Like A Rock
Energizer - It Keepsa Going And Going
KFC - Finger Lickin' Good
McDonals - We Love To See You Smile
M&M's - It Melts In Your Mouth, Not In Your Hands
Nike - Just Do It
Pringles - Once You Pop, You Can't Stop
Did You Hear...
Did you hear that Hollywood is going to remake The Exorcist?
The new movie is about a mother who hires the Devil to get a priest out of her son.
During the Church Service...
During the church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob."
The bishop rose to close the session and remarked,
"That's okay. We like big boobs."
IRISH PRAYER
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!"
Prayers
A father knelt with his son to hear his prayers. The three-year-old boy began in all seriousness: "Our Father who Art in Heaven, how do You know my name?"
More Prayers
And another four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
Limerick
There once was a man from Hybernia,
Who Rhymed himself into a hernia.
He became adept
At this practice except
For occasional anti-climaxes.
Henry Goes to Confession...
Henry goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women."
The priest says, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing."
"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"
"No," replies the priest. "But it'll wipe that silly grin off your face."
Baby Bra
There were three babys - a blond, a redhead, and a brunet. They were fighting over who's mommy had the best bra.
The first baby says "My mom has a foam bra."
The second says "My mom has gel straps."
The blond baby says "Well, the tag on my moms bra says double D."
The blond won the fight.
A Blonde was Playing...
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"