Blond and Grenades
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!
Misc
A hand-picked collection of the top misc jokes updated for 2026. Perfect for sharing with friends and family.
A Side Order of Blondes
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.
Adventures in Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
A Few Jokes
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
Skiing
Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of
waterskis?
She's still looking for a lake with a slope!!
Bill Clinton
What does Monica Lewinski and a coin machine have in common?
insert bill here!
Latin Class
To help students remember the word for "wear" in Latin, the professor used the phrase:
semper ubi, sub ubi
Translation:
Always wear under wear.
Fish
Q. Why do young blondes carry goldfish in their
pockets?
A. So they can smell like old blondes.
Steering Wheel
What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
An Air-Bag
Marines
Join the Marines: Visit exotic places, meet
interesting people and then kill them.
Smile!
Why does a blonde smile at lightning?
She thinks she's getting her picture taken.
Bathroom Humor, Literally!
Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the
bathroom and you are an AMERICAN when you come
out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you
are in the bathroom?
A. EUROPEAN... of course!
Glass of Water
Why did a blonde take an empty glass and a glass full of water to bed?
She wasn't sure if she would get thirsty during the night.
Blow in the Ear
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
Thank you for the refill.
Round Room
How do you confuse a stupid person?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Kool-Aid
Why do blondes hate making Kool-aid?
They can't fit the 8 cups of water in the
envelope!
Black Box
You know that little indestructible black box that
is used on planes?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the
same stuff?
1990 vs. 1989
Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more
than 1989 American dollar bills?
A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar
bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand
nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.
Yuck!
"Mommy, I hate my sister's guts!"
"Shut up and eat what's put in front of you!"
Praying
Why is it that when we talk to God we call it
praying, yet when God talks to us we are schizophrenic?
-Lily Tomlin
Mary Short For...
What is Mary short for?
For having no legs, of course...If you didn't have any, you would be short too.
Motorcycle
What are two blondes doing in front of a motorcycle?
Arguing about who get a window seat.
Smart Blond?
What do you call a smart blond?
An Endangered species
Mission Impossible
What do you call a movie about a man trying to make a blond smart?
Mission Impossible