Egotists
Q:How many egotists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:Just one. He holds up the lightbulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
Lightbulb
How many jokes does it take to make someone laugh? Just finding the right one here.
Geriatric Joke
How many old geezers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Back in my day, we didn't have lightbulbs. We put candles in tin cans and hung them from the ceiling with thread. And we had to walk uphill both ways to school in a blizzard with nothing but a potato to keep us warm. And... zzzzzz......
Racial Lightbulb Jokes
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hey, that's not funny! We're suing!
Q: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Who needs lightbulbs with our technology?
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: We can't afford lightbulbs. The only thing I can afford is this old gym sock.
Another Blond Joke
Q: How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 101, one to hold the lightbulb and 100 to spin the house!
How Many Presidents...
How many presidents does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They'll only promise change.
How Many New Yorkers...
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
Mathematicians
How many mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb?
Pi. 3 screw exactly a radius's length, and the last about-one-seventh screws it in all the way!
Publishers
Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.
Scientist
How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. With all the technology that they have, its a wonder that they still use lightbulbs.
Elves
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to give him a boost.
How Long
Q. how long does it take for a man to change a lightbulb?
A. 5 mins. 20 secs.
1 min to get a lightbulb
1 min to try and change it
1 min to swear because he can't do it
1 min to find a woman
20 secs. for her to change it
1 min for him to cry and gripe about it.
Russian Leaders
How many Russian leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
We don't know. Russian leaders don't last as long as lightbulbs.
Bush
How many George Walter Bushes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Luckily, only 2. The world can't handle many more idiots.
Microsoft Employees
How many Microsoft Employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they'll just make darkness the new industry standard!
Snobby Lightbulbs
How many snobby girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them, they try, break a nail, and come crying home.
Hubluzas
How many Hubluzas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
There is no lightbulb!
Whut?
How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Into what?
Helping the Boys in Blue
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it turned itself in.
How Many?
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Jewish Mothers
Q. How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. It's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark. Don't worry about me...
Guitarist
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. The guitarist holds the bulb and the world revolves around him!
Amoebas
How many amoebas does it take to change a light bulb?
1. No, 2, no, 4, no, 8, no, 16, 32, 64, 128 . . .
Movie Stars II
How many movie stars does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he takes one step up the ladder and then his stunt double takes over!
How Many Ventriloquists?
How many ventriloquists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to change the light bulb, and one to holg ge gottong og ge lagger.