Snake and a Kangaroo
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A: A jump rope
Animals
From talking dogs to confused ducks, explore our hilarious wildlife jokes.
Kangaroo and a Sheep
Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A: A sweater with pockets
Big Cats
1. Q: What would you do if a cheetah charged you?
A: Pay him cash. (But don't worry. He accepts credit cards too.)
2. Q: Who went into the tiger's lair and came out alive?
A: The tiger.
3. Q: If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped off, how many are still on the boat?
A: None- they were all copy cats.
4: Q: What has four legs and two eyes but sees just as well from both ends?
A: A tiger with its eyes closed.
Well that's no good
All lazy peoples' slogan must be "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
But fear not for all of you who wake up early just keep this in mind:
The first cat gets the mouse.
Little Johnny and his wagon
A man is walking down the street. Further down the street he notices Little Johnny. Little Johnny is sitting in a red wagon, wearing a fireman's hat. The wagon is tied to a dog, by its balls.
The man says to LittleJohnny "Little Johnny you could go alot further, if you tied the rope around the dogs neck."
Little Johnny replies "If I did that, I wouldn't have a siren"
Redneck Milk
How did the redneck die drinking milk?
The cow sat on him!
Bulldog
Q. What happens when you cross a Bulldog with a Shih tzu?
A. You get Bullshit.
Cats in Heaven
A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now."
To which the boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?"
One-Eyed Blonde
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says 'Look at that dog with one eye!'
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says 'Where?'
Two Drunks
Two drunks get thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, "I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first."
This is Meant to be Funny in a Stupid Way
Where does Superman's goldfish live ?
In the superbowl....
This is Meant to be Funny in a Stupid Way Again
Where does Batman's goldfish live ?
In the BAT-TUB!! ahahaha...
Fly
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Scotland vs. Rock
What's the difference between a Scot and Mick Jagger?
Mick Jagger sang "Hey, you, get offa my cloud."
The Scot says "Hey, McCloud, get offa my ewe."
Fish and chips
A blonde walked into a library and said to the librarian, "Can I have some fish and chips please?"
The librarian gave her a funny look and said, " I'm sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispers,"Can I have some fish and chips please?"
What time is it?
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
time to get a new fence!
What do you call.....
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A Pork-Chop!
Horseback riding
Joe: Hi Jack. How did you like horseback riding?
Jack: Not that much. The problem was that the horse was too polite.
Joe: Polite?
Jack: Yep. When we reached the fence he let me go over first.
New Sex Study
It has been determined.
The most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.
The husband sits and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
Before Hunting
What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
"Let us prey."
Still Horse
I found a way to make a horse stand perfectly still. Place a bet on him.
Strange name for Cats
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
Playground
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
The Old Proverb
"Don't be afraid of the dog," said the lady to young Johnny, who was delivering her groceries.
"You know the old proverb, 'A barking dog never bites?'"
"Yes," replied young Johnny. "You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?"