The ultimate premium-curated joke collection
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hey, that's not funny! We're suing!
Q: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Who needs lightbulbs with our technology?
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: We can't afford lightbulbs. The only thing I can afford is this old gym sock.
A woman and her goose walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "Why'd you bring the pig in the bar?"
The woman answered, "I do believe this is a goose!" The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"
Miss Blue(Teacher):"2 x 2 = 4, 4 x 4 = 16, and now, Brian, what is 16 x 16?"
Brian(Pupil): "You cheated, Miss Blue. You always take the easy one and give us the hardest."
'Doctor,doctor.I think that I'm a bridge.'
'What on earth's come over you?'
'Well a car,a bike.....'
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."
Pythagorean Theorem - 24 words.
Lord's Prayer - 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle - 67 words.
10 Commandments - 179 words.
Gettysburg Address - 286 words.
Declaration of Independence - 1,300 words.
US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage -
26,911 words.
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl