YMCA
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They have spelt MACY'S wrong!"
Misc
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Cartoons
How many cartoon characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
nine - three to find a light bulb, three to figure out how to remove the old one, three to screw it in, and all of them to complicate it!
Lightbulb
Season Tickets
Amy was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this, there's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season tickets."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not bothering to look away from the game.
Amy said teasingly, "Would you swap me for season tickets?"
"Absolutely not," he said, "season's more than half over."
Sports
Chess at the hotel
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Puns
Two Peanuts
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
Puns
Gas
I wonder who came up with the company People's Gas and where was their Pepto-Bismal?
One Liners
Class
Yo momma is so fat when she sits down in class she sits by everyone.
Yo Momma
Press Implied
Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day.
Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following:
"The minister told a number of stories that cannot be printed here."
Food
Fishing
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"?
The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church".
The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.
Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".
Dad Jokes
Laundry
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
Relationships
Base Stealer
Why were the police at the baseball game?
Because someone stole second base!
Sports
Long Time
Yo Mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo Momma
Test-tube Baby
A test-tube baby has a womb with a view.
Puns
Gimma a Beer
A girl walks into a bar and sits down with her friend.
She is feeling down, so she talks to her friend. Her friend says "Go get a beer." She says she didn't want one. Then the friend says "Hey, who said it was for you?"
copyright fox corp.
Bar
Spoon
A blonde says to a brunette, 'Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.'
The brunette says, 'Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.'
Food
The Italian
The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods, hunting together when suddenly a beautiful blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude!
"Would I love to eat that?" "Oui, oui!" The Frenchman said, smacking his lips.
So the Italian shot her.
Food
3 Yo Momma So Fat Jokes
Your momma so fat she uses pillows for pantyliners
Your momma so fat she got stuck in the Grand Canyon
Yo Momma
Little Johnny
At Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Kids
Be Bolder
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.
The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
Puns
Chins
Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a chinese phone book!
Yo Momma
Nobody Can!
Nobody can breathe out of their nose and mouth at the same time.
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You know, 95% of the people who read this try to do it...well, it's impossible!!! DUH!!!! (lol)
Food
Duck
knock-knock
who's there?
duck
duck who?
duck I just threw a frisby at you!!
Knock Knock
Maternity Ward
Sign seen on a maternity-ward door:
Push! Push! Push!
One Liners
Random Insults...
You're as bright as a broken lightbulb!
Lightbulb