Yo Momma
Yo momma is so dumb that when she got locked in the grocery store she starved to death!
Yo Momma
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Man's Best Friend
A dog is a man's best friend because it gives no advice, never tries to borrow money, and has no in-laws.
Animals
Ole Bought Lena a Piano...
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?" asked Lars
"Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
Technology
Mirrors
Q: You know what's gross?
A: When you look in a mirror!
Misc
Abbey
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Abbey!
Abbey who?
Abbey stung me on the nose!
Knock Knock
Cargo
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Cargo.
Cargo Who?
Car Go "Beep, Beep!"
Knock Knock
Sumos
You're so fat you make sumos look anorexic.
One Liners
My Dad
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Kids
T.V.
Yo momma's so stupid...
She site on the T.V and watches the couch.
Yo Momma
Ultra dumb People
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Food
Doughnut
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Doughnut.
Doughnut who?
I doughnut want to know if you're sick!
Knock Knock
Men are like...
Men are like... Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like... Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like... Lava Lamps. Fun to look at but not so bright.
Men are like... Bank accounts, without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like... High heels, they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Relationships
Bungee Jump
What do hookers and bungee jump cords have in common?
They're both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks, your dead!
Misc
Grizzly
What do you call a Grizzly with no teeth?
A gummy bear
Puns
Body Doubles
The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, 'I have some good news and some bad news.' They ask for the good news first.
Aziz says, 'The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs.'
'And the bad news?' they ask.
Aziz replies, 'He's lost an arm'.
Dad Jokes
Tables?
Teacher: Recite your tables to me, Joan.
Joan: Dining table, kitchen table, bedside table...
Kids
Snowmen vs Snowwomen
Q: What's the difference between Snowmen and Snowwomen?
A: Snowballs
One Liners
Jeep
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was
driving down a muddy back road encountered
another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."
Technology
Unsolved Mysteries
If two black cats walk by each other, then do they both get bad luck?
Does the more disgusting foods mean that they are healthier?
When you get your first pair of scissors you need a pair of scissors to open the pair of scissors that you just got. So how are you going to get it open?
Food
Teacher/Train
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says "spit your gum out" and a train says "choo choo!!"
School
Energizer
Energizer Bunny arrested... charged with battery.
One Liners
Extinct
Q: What's the similarity between tyrannosaurus and blondes with an IQ greater then 200.
A: Both are extinct.
Food
Light
Your momma so old and fat when God said let there be light, he asked your momma to move the hell out of the way because she was blocking the sun.
Yo Momma
Fat
Yo Mama's so fat the only thing stopping her from getting into Jenny Craig is the door!
Yo Momma