Dyslexics
How many Dyslexics does it take to change a Lit Blub?
Lightbulb
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Insanity
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
One Liners
Progress
If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?
One Liners
Little Brother
A 14-year old boy was helping his mom wash the dishes after dinner on a beautiful day. He says, "Mom, can I go outside? I want to play football." His mom says, "OK, but on one condition: you let your little brother play with you and your friends." The teenager replied with, "But mom, we already tried that. This time I want to play with a real football!"
Sports
Can't Catch
Knock knock
Who's there?
can't catch.
can't catch who?
me, you can't catch me!
Knock Knock
Freeway
When everything is coming your way, you're on the wrong side of the freeway.
One Liners
The Ugliest Baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off; go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Animals
Baldie
Yo Momma is so bald when she wears a turtleneck she looks like a broken condom.
Yo Momma
Opera Singers and Sailors
How are opera singers and sailors alike?
They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!
Puns
Formal Wear
Why do lawyers always wear a tie?
To keep back the foreskin.
Legal
Ten...
A man hadn't been feeling well, so he went to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor came out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor said, "you're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" said the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor said sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"
The doctor interrupted, "Nine..."
Medical
Buffet
Yo momma so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet!
Yo Momma
Lawyers and Dogs
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Legal
Ten Years For it
A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't - I just gave a guy ten years for it!"
Legal
Shower
Yo momma so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet!
Yo Momma
Actual Headline
An actual headline: "Include Your Children When Baking Cookies"
Food
Make a Long Story Short
To make a long story short, well, it helps if the boss walks in!
Office
Beaver
Yo Momma so fat when she stepped on my dog's tail I had to change his name to "Beaver."
Yo Momma
What to Name your Dog?
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend asked, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HellOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
Animals
How Clouds are Formed
One day, a teacher at an elementary school asks one of her students how clouds form.
She replied "I'm not sure how clouds form, but the clouds know how to form, and that's the important thing...."
Kids
Certification....
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but it takes a certified electrician to make it work.
Lightbulb
Sword
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
One Liners
Anal
Did You Know ....
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?
It is called the anal optic nerve.
It is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
Medical
Poland
What do you call a pretty woman in Poland?
A tourist
Misc