Interrupting Cow
Knock knock.
Who's there?
interrupting cow
interrupting co---
MOO
Knock Knock
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Back Luck
You're so ugly that you scared away a man-eating shark!
Food
Whew
Very stinky I can be.
And a wet hole is all you see.
Give me a rod and I'm happy.
In the silence I can queef.
No one thinks they're eating beef.
And please oh please don't use teeth.
Food
Penguins
Penguins mate for life.
This is not surprising, as they all look the same. It's not like they have to wait and wonder if someone better will come along!
Relationships
Stupid Lecturers
In the university, the lecturers were entering their classes. Meanwhile, the students were doing their own stuff. When the lecturer said,"Class, attention please!" all of them still did something else. Of course they didn't pay attention because the lecturer asked the CLASS to pay attention!
School
Out of Shampoo
Why did the blonde run out of shampoo?
She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!
Food
Tact
A man noted for his tact was awakened one morning at four o'clock by his ringing telephone. "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an irate voice. The man thanked his caller and politely asked his name before hanging up.
The next morning at four o'clock, he called his neighbour back. "Sir," he said, "I don't have a dog."
Animals
Psyched Up
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
Sports
Shakespeare
Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Toby.
Toby who?
Toby or not toby that is the question!
Knock Knock
New Friend
There are two men in a restroom, in stalls directly next to each other.
Man #1 says "Hi there."
Man #2, trying not to be rude, says, "Um...Hi"
After a short silence, Man #1 speaks again saying, "So, how are things?"
Man #2 replies, "Good.... I guess."
Man #1 says, "Okay, honey, I have to go now, every time I talk to you on my phone this guy answers, bye."
Technology
Spell Checker
I half a spelling checker,
It came with my pea sea;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I kin not sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please two no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
Technology
Bard
Shakespeare walks into a bar and the bartender shouts at him,
"You can't come in here, you're Bard!"
Bar
High Tech Delivery
My sister gave birth in a state-of-the-art delivery room. It was so high tech that the baby came out cordless!
One Liners
Shower
Yo mama so skinny she had to run arround the shower to get wet.
Yo Momma
Ten Things
The ten things a guy knows about a girl:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have boobs.
Relationships
WOMEN'S BUTT SIZE STUDY
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their ass. I thought the results were pretty interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too big...
10% of women think their ass is too little...
The other 5% say that they don't care -- they love him and would have married him anyway.
Relationships
Hair & Names
1. Did you hear about the man who had a shower without getting his hair wet?
He was bald!
2. Did you hear about the boy who was named after his father?
His name was Dad!
Dad Jokes
Poetryyyy
There once was a very old man,
whose verses no one could scan.
And when they asked, "Why?"
he said, "I don't know, I
"just put too many words in the last line, I guess."
Technology
This is Meant to be Funny in a Stupid Way Again
Where does Batman's goldfish live ?
In the BAT-TUB!! ahahaha...
Animals
Cats On The Phone
What did the cat say to the other cat on the phone?
Can you hear me-ow?
Animals
Cat or Wig? Brunette or Blond?
A blond goes up to a brunette that's wearing a puffy wig with two green ribbons on each front side.
The blond says "NICE CAT! HOW DID YOU GET IT TO BALANCE ON YOUR HEAD?"
The brunette tears up and says "ITS A WIG! MY FRIENDS TOLD ME IT WAS IN FASHION AND I GUESS THEY HATE ME!!!"
The brunette runs home and never noticed that she was talking to a blond. So in the end the brunette was a blond too.
Deep Thoughts
DIRTY
Yo Momma so dirty she has to sneak up on the water
Yo Momma
How Many Paranoids?
How many paranoids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What exactly do you mean by that?
Lightbulb
Heaven vs Hell
Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell.
God, invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan proposed a soccer game between heaven and hell. God, always fair, said to the devil, "The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided. Don't you know all the 'good' players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs!"
Sports