Yo daddy so bald
Yo daddy so bald he has to have holes in his pocket to finger through his hair.
Yo Momma
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Roses are Red
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I thought I was stupid,
Then I met you!
Misc
Blond and Grenades
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!
Misc
Country Singers
How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1 to screw it in, and 3 to write a song about it.
Lightbulb
West Side
My bus driver for my school is always trying to say that he's a gangster. But no one ever believes him so the other day I confronted him. So I asked, "are you really a gangster"? He sweated nervously, shaking and then he finally answered "of course I am I'm from the West Side". I did not feel that to be a sufficient answer so I then asked him "West Side of where"? He mumbled to himself a while and then answered me "West Side of Malibu".
School
Popcorn
Yo mama so fat, she coughed next to a corn field and made popcorn.
Yo Momma
A Mushroom
A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender, not wanting to serve a mushroom, says "Uh uh, I'm not serving no mushroom."
"Aw, come on - I'm a fungi!" the mushroom replies.
Bar
Intelligent Blonde?
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retriever
Misc
NOTICE:
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.
Legal
Mrs. President
If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady.
If a woman became president, what would you call her husband?
Whipped.
Relationships
So Fat
Yo Mama's so fat, she didn't have a birth certificate, she had a blueprint!
Yo Momma
Anything
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do *anything* to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she repeats, "...I would do...*anything*."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"*Anything*."
His voice softens. "*Anything*??"
"*Anything*."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...*study*?"
Office
No Drinking and Driving Dad!!!
Once there was a mom and a dad , they had a daughter called Angelica. So the dad was very thirsty because he had been driving a lot, so he asked his daughter "sweetheart can I have some of your juice?" She answers "daddy no drinking and driving, that's what the law says!!!"
Kids
Funny!
How do turtles talk to each other?
Shellphones!
Animals
Man With a Sprained Ankle
A man went to the hospital with a sprained ankle. The doctor said, "Don't worry, you'll be walking in no time." He was. The doctor stole his car.
Medical
Chins
Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a chinese phone book!
Yo Momma
Women's Underwear
Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off."
"I know the feeling," the other says.
"No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."
Office
Computer Power
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.
"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."
Programming
Ape Sea
Which sea will make you go ape?
The Chimpansea.
Animals
6 Animals.
A teacher asked his student:
Give me an example of 6 animals.
The student:
3 Lions, 2 Tigers , and 1 Cheetah !
Animals
Interview
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he
waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and
said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is
it?" "It's called the door!"
Animals
Doctor! Doctor!
"Doctor doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!" "I'll deal with you later!"
Medical
Yo Momma's So Tall
Yo momma's so tall, she did a cartwheel and hit Jesus.
Yo Momma
Generic Equivalent
In pharmacology, all drugs have generic names:
Tylenol is acetaminophen,
Advil is ibuprofen, & so on.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra and
announced today that they have settled on mycoxafailin.
Also considered were mycoxafloppin, mydixadrupin and mydixarizin.
Medical