Dentist Filling
A girl went to a dentist to have her teeth filled. The dentist asked,
"What kind of fillings do you want? White or silver?"
The girl replied, "Chocolate fillings."
Medical
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Mario and Princess
"Mario, I am in so much pain right now I can barely sit. Leave the mushrooms for the adventures and out of the bedroom."
"Fine Princess. Yoshi, let's go."
"No, no...Yoshi can stay."
Bar
Blonde Football
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game
for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked
the game. "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I
just couldn't understand why they were killing each
other for 25 cents."
What on earth do you mean???"
Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and
then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming
was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"
Misc
The Most Important Thing
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is.
Fortunately, I love money.
-- Jackie Mason
One Liners
The Letter
A woman was missing her boyfriend, so she decided to write him the following brief letter:
Dear Anthony,
I've been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool... nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Kathy
xoxo
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery...
Relationships
Good Way
A good way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.
One Liners
Solar Powered
Your so stupid you invented glow in the dark sun glasses!
One Liners
What's the Difference...
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A train goes "chew, chew, chew," and a teacher says, "Spit that gum out!"
School
Why Must We Learn This?
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?"
"To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
Animals
Assorted Windows95 One-Liners 11
The best way to accelerate Windows is through one.
Technology
Unique
Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else!
One Liners
Bus, Train
Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.
Yo Momma
Chickens
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight."
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
"Well, I'll tell you," replied the man, "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this here sack I'll give them both to you."
Misc
Shirley
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"
Relationships
Basketball Hoops and Misdemeanor
Basketball hoops are like misdemeanor. The more I miss it da meanor I get.
Sports
Finish
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
Medical
A Small Boy...
A small boy stunned his parents after Sunday School when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question, "Where did you get all that money?"
"At church," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it."
School
Football
Yo Mama's so dumb she took a spoon to the Superbowl!
Yo Momma
Dumby
Yo mama is so dumb it took her an hour to make minute rice!!!
Yo Momma
Chicken Pox
Why did the chicken pox cross the road?
He was afraid if he stayed he would be spotted.
Medical
Bad Driver
If you don't like my driving, stay out of the bus shelters!
One Liners
Lunch
Where does a judge eat lunch?
At the food court!
Legal
99 Blonds and 1 Brunette
There are 99 Blonds on a plane and 1 Brunette. The captain radios in that they are going down, So they drop all the luggage. They were still going down so they drop out all the chairs. They were still going down so they dropped the floor. So they are hanging by their hands from the top on the plane with no floor. So the captain say's "1 person jump out" the Brunette say's "I'll sacrifice my life", and all the Blonds start clapping.
Misc
Sticky
Question: What is brown and sticky?
Answer: A stick! Duh.
Puns