Deep Down
Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet below ground instead of the usual 6?
Because deep down, they're not so bad!
Legal
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Cellulite Surfin'
Yo momma is so fat, that every time you smack her butt, you can ride the waves!
Yo Momma
The Judge Had Just Awarded...
The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks, myself."
Relationships
Yule
Knock, knock.
Who's There?
Yule.
Yule who?
Yule never know until you open the door!
Knock Knock
A Sandwich
A sandwich walked into a bar and asked for a pint.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve food."
Bar
Aspirin (not Funny)
Yo momma so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin!
Yo Momma
Wave
Yo mama's so dumb, she drowned during the wave at the football stadium.
Yo Momma
3 blondes in the forest
There were three blondes in the forest and they saw some tracks.
The first blonde said, "Look, bear tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, those are wolf tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are rabbit tracks."
Then the train came and ran them all over.
Animals
Misunderstanding?
Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good."
"Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."
Kids
A Belt?
Your mama so fat that she has to wear traintracks for a belt!
Yo Momma
Bleached Blond
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Technology
Do You Know Why...
Q: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after they are born?
A: It knocks the penises off of the dumb ones.
Medical
Dad's Reaction
The following is something actually said by my dad. I wanted to see what my dad would say if I said I might be gay, here was his reaction.
YOU'D BETTER NOT BE!! EVEN IF I HAVE TO BUY YOU SOME PUSSY, YOU WILL NOT BE GAY!!!!!!
Dad Jokes
Writing
A tourist to New York City, Bob, was marveling at the Poe opera house.
As a man passed by Bob asked "Was this building named for the great author and poet Edgar Allen Poe?"
"No," replied the man, "the building was named for James Poe."
"What did he write?" asked Bob.
Said the man, "A check."
Food
So... fat
Yo momma is so fat that she is on both sides of the family!
Yo Momma
Leonid Ilyich is in Surgery
"Leonid Ilyich is in surgery." / "Heart again?" / "No, chest expansion surgery: to fit one more Gold Star medal."
Medical
You Know You're a Redneck
1. You know you're a redneck when you go out with your girlfriend and you don't realize she has her other boyfriend with her.
2. You know you're a redneck when you use a barstool as a walker.
3. You know you're a redneck when your mowing your lawn and you find a car.
4. You know you're a redneck when you fall asleep with one hand down your pants and a beer in the other hand.
Food
T.V Comercial
I seen a commercial on T.V for a pill that helps with ED (erectile deficency). As one of the side effects the announcer said "If you experience an erection for longer than four hours call your doctor." I thought call my doctor?? If I have an erection for more than four hours I am calling Ripley's Believe it or Not!!.
Medical
Buried at Sea
Did you hear about the sailor who died, and wanted to be buried at sea by his 5 blonde daughters?
His daughters all drowned digging the grave.
Technology
500 Lawyers
What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A start.
Legal
2 Blondes and a Mirror
Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde said, "Let me look!" The first blonde handed her the compact. The second blonde looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!
Technology
Bad Food
What is worst tasting, a bag of onions or porkloaf?
Porkloaf, why?
Because porkloaf spelled backwards is faolkrop which sounds like fowl crap.
Food
Wishing Well
A woman went to a wishing well and wished that she could become a better driver. So she turned into a man.
Relationships
Swiss
What's brown and has holes in it?
Swiss shit!
Misc