Steering Wheel
What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
An Air-Bag
Technology
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Quiz for Blonds
Name:_________
1. Finish this pattern: a,_,c,d,e,f (hint, B)
2. If you are standing, what are you doing? (hint, standing)
3. Finish the sentence: I am a blond______
4. Explain Einstein's theory, or spell cat
5. Are you writing with a pen/pencil or a tissue? (hint pen/pencil)
6. Spell the word chicken
Food
School Shoppin'
One time I went school shopping... AND BOUGHT THREE SCHOOLS!!!
School
Information Service
Q: How many management information services guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem and has assigned you request number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to the light bulb issue.
Lightbulb
Headline#3
An actual headline: Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.
School
Visiting the Museum of Natural History
The accountant was visiting the Museum of Natural History and said to the person standing next to him, "That dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old."
"How did you get such exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago and the guide said the dinosaur was two billion years old."
Technology
Yo moma's like a mail box, open all day and all night.
Yo Momma
Kitten of the Dorm
My college doesn't allow pets in my dorm, so when I got a kitten I had the guys in my dorm refer to him as "the Book" to avoid suspicion.
One morning, as I carried the kitten out to my car in a crate, my girlfriend stopped me and asked, "where are you taking the Book?"
"She's getting Spayed today," I said.
"Hmm..." she said. "I guess that means no sequels!"
Relationships
Ketchup
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup to ya later!
Knock Knock
Magazines
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
Relationships
History Class
Today in history class the topic was the Incas. Hoping to see if the students had done the reading, the teacher calls on random students and asks them questions.
"Where could the Incas be found?" The teacher's first question. "Jonie?" foolishly she called on the blonde.
Not having actually done the homework, and only halfway hearing the question, she guesses: "In the pen?"
School
Pigeon and Woodpecker
Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination but knocks on the door when it gets there.
One Liners
The Funeral of Larry La Prise
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in - then the trouble started.
Food
Politics
Politics comes from the root "poli-", which means many, and "-tics", which means, blood-sucking creatures.
One Liners
Teacher:...
Teacher: Julia, how can you say Asshole in a nicer way?
Julia: As holes.
School
GameCube
Yo momma is so dumb, she thought a GameCube was a Rubik's puzzle.
Yo Momma
New Dictionary
Did you hear about the new dictionary for masochists?
It has all the words, but they're not in alphabetical order.
One Liners
Boomerang
Yo mama so ugly when she threw a boomerang it never came back!
Yo Momma
The Meaning of Dreams
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."
Relationships
The Teachers
How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to turn it the other to grade the person.
Lightbulb
Roulette
The beautiful, vain blonde was visiting Las Vegas for the first time. She approached the roulette wheel, but it looked very confusing.
"How should I bet?" she asked the man standing beside her.
"Try betting your age," he suggested.
So the blonde put $500 on the number 32. The ball landed on 36, and the blonde promptly fainted.
Technology
What Sport?
What is a 4 letter sport that starts with a T?
Golf.
(Golf starts with a tee!)
Sports
The Old Proverb
"Don't be afraid of the dog," said the lady to young Johnny, who was delivering her groceries.
"You know the old proverb, 'A barking dog never bites?'"
"Yes," replied young Johnny. "You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?"
Animals
Pick-up Lines For Computer Geeks
- Nice Set of Floppies!
- Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
- I'd like to play on your laptop.
- Need me to unzip your files?
- If you were an ISP, I'd dial you all day long!
- I'd like to boot up your PC!
- I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen!
- I've got a 21 inch... (monitor)
- I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video...
- Your homepage or mine?
Technology