Football Boobies
ok,
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the Jags, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers known as Bucs, what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Sports
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Back to School
Why did the kid walk backwards to school?
Because it was back to school day!
Kids
Psychic
What do you call a short psychic on the lam?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small medium at large!
Misc
Hiking
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."
Kids
Beckham Joke
Beckham went into training one day and saw Owen with a thermo-flask. He asked him what it was for and Owen said "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold".
The next day Beckham came into training with a thrmo-flask. So Owen asked him what he had in it. He said "well you said it kept hot things hot, and cold things cold so Posh told me to put in some coffee and enough choc-ices for the lads but when I looked into the thermo-flask, when I got here, the choc-ices had melted!"
Sports
Dog Ugly
If my dog was as ugly as your mom, I'd shave its butt and teach it to walk backwards!
Yo Momma
Prankster
Knock knock
Who's there?
*silence*
Knock Knock
Yo Momma
Yo momma is so dumb that when she got locked in the grocery store she starved to death!
Yo Momma
On Vacation
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
Legal
Big Cats
1. Q: What would you do if a cheetah charged you?
A: Pay him cash. (But don't worry. He accepts credit cards too.)
2. Q: Who went into the tiger's lair and came out alive?
A: The tiger.
3. Q: If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped off, how many are still on the boat?
A: None- they were all copy cats.
4: Q: What has four legs and two eyes but sees just as well from both ends?
A: A tiger with its eyes closed.
Animals
Be Bolder
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.
The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
Puns
Barbie
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
Kids
You're Fired!
A woman just got a new job and her co-workers told her her first assignment: to fire the janitor, Don. The woman was very nervous about doing this, so she decided to get it over with fast. She marched up with her head down and said to the man, "I'm sorry, but you're fired!" Her co-workers who were watching suddenly started laughing out loud. She looked at the man she fired and he said, "I don't think you have the right to fire you boss!!!"
Office
In a Minute
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
Kids
Dustin
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dustin
Dustin who?
Dust in the air, please let me in!
Knock Knock
FBI
Q: How many FBI agents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm afraid that you are not able to receive this classified information.
Lightbulb
Make a Sentence
Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.
"Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!"
Kids
Six Most Important Men in a Women's Life
Six Most Important Men in a Woman's Life
THE DOCTOR, because he says, "Take your clothes off."
THE DENTIST, because he says, "Open wide."
THE HAIRDRESSER, because he says, "Do you want them teased or blown?"
THE MILKMAN, because he says, "Do you want it in the back or in the front?"
THE INTERIOR DECORATOR, because he says, "Once it's in you'll love it."
THE BANKER, because he says, "If you take it out too soon you'll lose interest."
Relationships
An Embarrassing Story
There was a teenaged girl name Amanda, who just stepped out of the shower. She wrapped a towel around her body, and went into her room. She was very excited because her long time crush, Jason, was coming over to have dinner. She turned the radio on and her favorite song was playing, so she started to dance and sing. When the song was over she stopped dancing and realized that her towel had come off. She looked towards the door and saw that it was open, and Jason was standing there.
Bar
You Idiot!
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Medical
IRS
IRS... we've got what it takes, to take what you've got
One Liners
School Teacher
The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well, we're a mighty crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room" replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher."
"Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman."
"Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher."
School
Women With PMS
Why does it take 3 women with PMS to change a lightbulb?
BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, OK!!!!
Lightbulb
The Funeral
A man arrives at his laywer's funeral and and was very dismayed by the presence of this one person. He turns to the people around him. 'Why are you all at this man's funeral?' A man turns towards him and says, 'We're all clients.'
'And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.'
'Huh? No, we came to make sure he was dead.'
Legal