Golf
This guy and a girl were in a golf cart and the guy drops his tees out of his pocket and the lady asks what is he doing? So, the guy says: I put my balls on them and I drive them.
Sports
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Keep Your Head Down
A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"
The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."
Sports
Fooling A Blonde
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Blonde: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Blonde: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure.
The answer is 6!!!
School
When I was a Little Boy....
When I was a little boy, I was considered clever
for my age.
When you were a little boy, you must have eaten
paint chips.
Food
Lena and Ole
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?" "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus."
Technology
Yo Mama is Like a Hockey Player
Yo mama is like a hockey player. She doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Yo Momma
Flat Chested
Your mama is so flat chested, the last time she had a breast was in a bucket at KFC.
Yo Momma
Candy
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Candy.
Candy who?
Candy door even open?
Knock Knock
Names
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ike, Anne, Wyatt, Tillie.
Ike, Anne, Wyatt, Tillie who?
Ike Anne Wyatt Tillie (I can't wait till)
it's three o' clock!
Knock Knock
Pluto
A kid said to his Dad, "In school I learned Pluto is in outerspace. But they didn't say where Mickey is."
Dad Jokes
3 Rings
There are three well known rings to marriage:
Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering!
Relationships
Some More Things Men Would Never Say
Hunny, you forgot to put down the toilet seat again.
Oh my God! you don't know how to fix a car.
Wife says: How do I look?
Man: Terrible, go change!
Relationships
UgLy
You're so ugly, you can't even turn on a lightbulb!
Lightbulb
Fairy Tales
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise'."
Dad Jokes
Intelligent Blonde?
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A Golden Retriever
Misc
Laughs last
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."
One Liners
Spell it
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L."
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
School
Cats and Dogs
Q. Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs?
A. Because you might step in a poodle.
Animals
Pondering the afterlife
There was a dyslexic insomniac agnostic.
He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.
One Liners
Brainstorm
The closest you've ever come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle!
Technology
Lunch
Where does a judge eat lunch?
At the food court!
Food
Oximoron
Q: What do you call an oxymoron?
A: A smart blonde!
Misc
Doctor Golf
Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop.
"I operated on Mr. Lee the other day," said the surgeon.
"What for?" asked his colleague.
"About $17,000."
"What did he have?"
"Oh... About $17,000."
Medical
Bee Phrases
Some common phrases that bees should know:
Are you are hipbee?
How comb?
Hive already finished.
Puns