Dirty Joke
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a mud puddle.
Puns
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Windows Vista
Abraham wanted to put Windows Vista on his computer, but Isaac was concerned: "But father, we don't have enough memory for that!"
"Don't worry, son, God will provide the RAM."
Programming
Mt. Rushmore
Your mama so old and fat that she went to see Mt. Rushmore and sang "We Are Family"
Yo Momma
Who am I?
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
Kids
Bubbles
One day Jim, a duck, was swimming in a pond when he came up to another duck and asked "What are doing?" "Blowing bubbles," she replied. Jim met 3 more ducks and they all said the same thing. When Jim came up to a 5th duck he said "Let me guess, you're blowing bubbles?" "No," said the duck, "I am Bubbles!"
Animals
Boxing's not a sport: proof
Why is boxing a sport? If I beat someone up in an alley and someone sees it, I get arrested. If I beat someone up in an arena where thousands see it happen, I get cheered. I've done both. I like the alley better though.
Sports
Boss Truism
"I finally got my boss to laugh," said one friend to another after work.
"Oh, how?"
"I asked for a raise!"
Office
Barbie Doll
Did you here about the new redneck Barbie doll?
It comes with twelve kids, aids, and a welfare check.
Technology
Fixing Broken Computers
An office technician got a call from a blonde. The blonde told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it."
About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
Programming
Tarzan Swings
Tarzan swings through the air
Tarzan loses his underwear
Tarzan says "Me no care,
Jane make me another pair."
Boy swings through the air
Boy loses his underwear
Boy says "Me no care,
Jane make me another pair."
Cheetah swings through the air
Cheetah loses his underwear
Cheetah says "Me no care,
Jane make me another pair."
Jane swings through the air
Jane loses her underwear
Jane says "Me no care,
Tarzan like me better bare!"
Technology
Government's job?
What exactly does the government do?
They seem to complicate all the simple things while trying to do the opposite.
Animals
DMV
Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicles who resigned on Tuesday? He tried to resign on Monday, but discovered he'd been standing in the wrong line.
Misc
You're Fired!
A woman just got a new job and her co-workers told her her first assignment: to fire the janitor, Don. The woman was very nervous about doing this, so she decided to get it over with fast. She marched up with her head down and said to the man, "I'm sorry, but you're fired!" Her co-workers who were watching suddenly started laughing out loud. She looked at the man she fired and he said, "I don't think you have the right to fire you boss!!!"
Office
101 = K on a C KB
101 = keys on a computer keyboard.
Programming
Pumpkin
What is the name for a bandaid on a pumpkin?
A pumpkin patch!
Technology
Nuts and Berries
One day in the 1800's a father asked his child to go get some nuts and berries. She went around and got nuts and berries from every boy she knew. When she showed her dad he said, "That's not what I meant!"
Dad Jokes
In General
A blonde is taking an interview, and the examiner is asking some general questions.
"What is the boiling temperature of water?"
"I am not sure."
"Miss, either you know it or you don't know it."
"No, I am still not sure."
"The boiling temperature of water is 100 degrees!"
"Ok, so it's the right angle that boils at 90 degrees?"
School
Ugly
Ugly: (adjective) A state of being in which you are constantly in.
Example: You
School
Memories
Q: What would you do w/out your memories ?
A: Forget
Office
Yo Mama*2
Yo Mama is so fat that the local restaurant says :Maximum occupancy 115 people or yo mama.
Yo Momma
Kids at Work
A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?"
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient."
"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."
Kids
Pockets
It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Legal
How Many Acountants Do It.......
Q. How many acountants does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 1 at a fixed rate of 3.5% income return after purchase for every bulb replaced over a 6 year plan, with projected inflation expected to rise to over $1.25 per bulb in 2006.
Lightbulb
In Demand
Harry walks into his supervisor's office. "Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Harry, "I knew I could count on you!"
Relationships