Dope
Grow some dope... plant a man.
Relationships
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Guy with no Limbs
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?
Bob!
Misc
Untitled
Two babies were born in the same hospital on the same day and ended up in adjacent basinettes in the nursery.
Eighty-five years later, by coincidence, each of them is admitted to the same hospital with a "terminal" diagnosis, and they end up in the same two-bed semi-private room.
And one of them rolls over and says to the other "So, what did you think?"
Thanks to Steven Wright
Medical
Telephone Bill
Dad to his family: The phone bill is exceptionally high. You have to limit its use. I don't use this telephone. I use the one a the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this phone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home telephone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So what's the problem? We all use our work telephones!
Dad Jokes
Lol
Yo mama is so stupid she thinks these jokes are funny.
Yo Momma
Door Knob
A blonde is like a door knob, everyone gets a turn!
One Liners
I Ran Into...
BOB: Hey, I ran into George the other day.
JOE: Oh, really? Was he happy to see you?
BOB: Well, we were in our cars at the time...
Puns
Tigger
Why does Tigger smell so bad?
Cause he's always hanging out with Pooh.
Puns
Money, Money, Money!
Jt/xmktp?akhjgp/uqpuRujgrt/pvP/tq/tkHqtjhqtjb!)<(]{,twmjtwmjtwmkadnjgptkgptjafmjipV9mkBRiECl88888888888888888888888888888888888888887777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777I won at the slots! modge???? i m ?!?! bubbye *cheffy!=
Knock Knock
Whos There?
knock knock,
who's there
animal
animal who?
animal i kin git lots of stuff
iffn i have ta money
Knock Knock
Enzymes and Hormones
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme!
One Liners
Give Me a Beer
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"
Bar
Dick
If you were a boy and your parents named you dick.
Wouldn't you be embarassed and change your name officially?
Bar
Bravery
What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Misc
Sign #2
Sign at an office: Would the person who removed the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
Office
Treasure
Yo Mama's so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her dad said, "Yeah! Let's go bury it!"
Yo Momma
Bathtub
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"
Kids
California
What happens when the smog clears over southern California?
UCLA
Puns
Justice Prevailed
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: "Justice prevailed."
The senior partner replied in haste, "Appeal immediately."
Legal
Two Men
Man: How many asian people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Asian Man: Whats a lightbulb?
Lightbulb
The Sun
One day, a kindergarten teacher, who was incidentally blonde, gave everybody a set of crayons and told them to draw something with it.
The teacher noticed that Little Johnny had drawn a sun enclosed in a box with rays shining out of it.
'Johnny,' said the teacher with a confused look. 'Did your grandparents come from Japan?'
'No, Macedonia,' said the colour blind child.
School
Baldie
Yo Momma is so bald when she wears a turtleneck she looks like a broken condom.
Yo Momma
Einstein and Newton
What is the similarity between Einstein and Newton?
Neither of them ever had a mobile phone!
Technology
The Drunk
A drunk guy stumbles into the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "No way, you've had enough."
So the drunk leaves.
The drunk then enters the bar from the rear door and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender refuses and asks the drunk to leave.
The drunk comes back into the bar through the front door and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "Listen, I'm not giving you a damn drink, you're already drunk enough."
The drunk says, "DAMN, MAN! How many bars do you work at?"
Bar