Father $ Son
This is what happen to a boy and his father: Son: dad i want to marry. Father: who do you want to marry? Son: your mother. Father: why do you want to marry my mother? Son: because you also marry my mother. :)
Dad Jokes
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
The Pregnant Women
There was a pregnant women. On the way to the hospital, she got into a wreck. When she woke up her babies were already born. She asked the docter if she could see her babies. He said yes, and don't worry your brother named them. The pregnant woman freaked out and said her brother was an idiot. The doctor said the girl's name is Denice. The pregnant women said, "Maybe my brother is not such an idiot." Then the docter said that the boy's name is "da nephew".
Medical
The Old Proverb
"Don't be afraid of the dog," said the lady to young Johnny, who was delivering her groceries.
"You know the old proverb, 'A barking dog never bites?'"
"Yes," replied young Johnny. "You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?"
Animals
Mother-In-Law
The Dean from the University of Northern Colorado was a victim of a hit and run.
He was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help.
"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken Dean told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!"
Relationships
Sherwood
Knock-Knock.
Who's there?
Sherwood.
Sherwood who?
Sherwood like to meet you, so open the door!
Knock Knock
Me Against the World
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
-- Robert Orben
One Liners
Children and Cars
Children in the back of the car cause accidents.
Accidents in the back of the car cause children
Kids
PaintRoller
Yo momma so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo Momma
Man and car
Men who walk in front of car get tired. Men who walk in back of car get exhausted.
One Liners
Black Eyes
A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned.
"What happened, my child?"
"I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie, so I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye."
"Okay; how did you get the other black eye?"
"Well, I thought I'd done something wrong, so I put her wedgie back."
Relationships
Little Red Riding Hood
One day Little Red Riding Hood was walking in the woods. She put her head between some bushes and suddenly she sees the wolf with his eyes wide open and red.
She asks him, "Why are your eyes so big, wolf?"
The wolf answers, "Shut up and let me shit in peace!"
Animals
Craps
Yo mama is so dumb she brought toilet paper to a craps game.
Yo Momma
Empty Gas Tank
Yo momma's so fat that I ran out of gas trying to drive around her.
Yo Momma
Knock-Knock-Me!
Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Me
Me who?
Who the hell is me-who???
Knock Knock
Blondes Go Fishing
Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One blonde said to her friend,
"Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same blonde asked her friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
Her friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."
The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"
Misc
Taylor Swift
Teenager: Dad, did you hear that Jake broke up with Taylor?
Dad: Oh no, another album.
Dad Jokes
Strawberry Issues
There's this guy he goes to see the doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor, I have a terrible problem. I have a strawberry stuck up my bottom."
The doctor says, "It's ok, I'll give you some cream to put on it."
Medical
What Do You Get?
Q. What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a computer?
A. A lot of Bytes!!!
Technology
So Stupid
Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
Yo Momma
Smile!
Why does a blonde smile at lightning?
She thinks she's getting her picture taken.
Misc
Maida
Knock-Knock!
Who's there?
Maida.
Maida who?
Maida force be with you!
Knock Knock
Hum Hum
A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor doctor! I can't eat food through my mouth cause it hurts" The doc says "Try eating through your bum, it might help" A few weeks later the doctor sees the man walking down the road in a very weird way, he asks "Why are you walking like that? Are you hurt?" The man replies "No you fool! I'm chewing a toffie"
Medical
Mike Howe
A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail.
"Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked.
The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow and none for your horse, either."
Puns
Depression
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
One Liners