Isabel
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Is-a-bel ringing? I thought I heard one.
Knock Knock
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Batty Books ... final one!!! :<
A Hole in the Bucket by Lee King
Long Walk by Miss. D. Bus
The Playground by C. Saw
Fitting Carpets by Walter Wall
Around the World by Sir Cumfrence
Flexibility by Ben Dover
Bladder Controld by Idon P. Freely
Misc
A Spelling Lesson
Little Johnny kept spelling the word "went" wrong, instead he spelt "whent". His teacher, who was very fusterated, decided to keep him after class to spell "went" 100 times.
The next day she comes into the classroom, thinking he learned his lesson, and sees the whole board is full of the word "went".
But at the end...
"I wrote "went" 50 times, then I ran out of space, so I whent home"
Kids
One-Eyed Blonde
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says 'Look at that dog with one eye!'
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says 'Where?'
Animals
You're so stupid........FAX
You're so stupid that when you send a FAX you put a stamp on it
One Liners
So Fat
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks by the television set you miss three episodes.
Yo Momma
Bubbles
One day Jim, a duck, was swimming in a pond when he came up to another duck and asked "What are doing?" "Blowing bubbles," she replied. Jim met 3 more ducks and they all said the same thing. When Jim came up to a 5th duck he said "Let me guess, you're blowing bubbles?" "No," said the duck, "I am Bubbles!"
Animals
Child-Proofed
We child-proofed our home 3 years ago but they're still getting in!
Kids
Elfs
Q. What do elfs learn while in school?
A. The elfabet!
School
Moron
There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why?
Because the little moron was a little more on.
Puns
Whos There!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Mayonaise
Mayonaise who?
Mayonaise a lot of jokes on this website.
Knock Knock
Crabs
Why don't crabs share?
Because there shelfish!
Animals
Beer F$%^
A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation.
"Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said.
"So, what's your name?" she asked.
"Beerf$%^."
Bar
I Don't Exercise...
I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
One Liners
Four Ladies Walked Into the Bar...
The Blonde walked into a bar. The Brunette used the door. The redhead actually OPENED the door, and the Asian actually WENT THROUGH the door.
Bar
Indian Prince
Once upon a time in India, the Bengal tiger was on the brink of extinction, due to a vigorous hunting season. So, Prince Naranjahah ordered that no one shall kill another Bengal. Well, this led to the over abundance in zoos and animal shelters, and one day, the tigers broke loose and started attacking the citizens. The citizens then revolted and overthrew the Prince's rule.
This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.
Puns
Computer
How do you tell a blondes been using your computer?
There's whiteout on the screen
Programming
Psyched Up
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
Sports
Dating Blonde
How can you tell if a blonde woman has been dating?
By the belt buckle imprint on her forehead.
Misc
Stolen Money
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
Kids
What Would They Say...
3 guys die in a car wreck and are sent to heaven.
At the gates St. Peter asks the three men what they would want their families to say at the funeral.
The first man says, "I want them to say I was an excellent husband and a great police officer."
The second man says, "I want them to say I was a great husband, a wonderful teacher and that I made a huge difference in their lives."
The third man says, "I wish they would say...LOOK! HE'S MOVING!"
Office
Little Brother
A 14-year old boy was helping his mom wash the dishes after dinner on a beautiful day. He says, "Mom, can I go outside? I want to play football." His mom says, "OK, but on one condition: you let your little brother play with you and your friends." The teenager replied with, "But mom, we already tried that. This time I want to play with a real football!"
Sports
Dear Mom
A soldier's letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where i am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear.
Two weeks later, another letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where I am, but yesterday i danced with a hula girl.
Two weeks later another letter home:
Dear Mom, I still can't tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl.
Medical
Richard laughs
You're so fat Richard Simmons laughs at you.
One Liners