Driver
Yo mama is so stupid she waited at a Stop sign until it said Go.
Yo Momma
Welcome to the laugh factory!
We've parsed thousands of clean jokes, dad jokes, and puns to curate the absolute best 500+ into 20 categories. Check out some random highlights below, or pick a category!
Heaven vs Hell
Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell.
God, invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan proposed a soccer game between heaven and hell. God, always fair, said to the devil, "The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided. Don't you know all the 'good' players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs!"
Sports
Concentrate
Yo momma so dumb, she spent twenty minutes staring at a orange juice bottle because it said, 'Concentrate'.
Yo Momma
T.V Comercial
I seen a commercial on T.V for a pill that helps with ED (erectile deficency). As one of the side effects the announcer said "If you experience an erection for longer than four hours call your doctor." I thought call my doctor?? If I have an erection for more than four hours I am calling Ripley's Believe it or Not!!.
Medical
Vanna
Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.
Misc
Car Keys
"Dad, can I have the car keys?"
"Ok, but don't lose them. We will get the car in just seven years!"
Dad Jokes
Red & Blue
Man 1: "Why have you painted your car red on one side and blue on the other?"
Man 2: "So that if I bang into anyone, the witnesses will have a marvellous time in court contradicting each other!"
Legal
Don't Touch Me!
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Kip.
Kip who?
Kip your hands off me!
Knock Knock
Ice Cubes
Why should you never ask a blonde to make ice cubes for you?
She'll never remember the recipe.
Misc
Snobby Lightbulbs
How many snobby girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them, they try, break a nail, and come crying home.
Lightbulb
Egg Fun
What did the lunch lady say to the boiled egg?
You're in hot water now!!!
Puns
Scotland vs. Rock
What's the difference between a Scot and Mick Jagger?
Mick Jagger sang "Hey, you, get offa my cloud."
The Scot says "Hey, McCloud, get offa my ewe."
Animals
Knock on the Door
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doris
Doris who?
Door is shut thats why i knocked!
Knock Knock
How Many Ventriloquists?
How many ventriloquists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to change the light bulb, and one to holg ge gottong og ge lagger.
Lightbulb
Know-It-All
"Danny," asked Mrs Waters, "What's usually used as a conductor of electricity?"
"Why- er..."
"Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?"
"The what??"
That's absolutely right. The watt."
Kids
A Bar Joke
Three men walked into a bar. They died
Bar
Life Isn't Fair
Life isn't fair.
I went to my boss with a note from my doctor stating that I have multiple personalities. Now I do three different jobs and still only get one paycheck!!.
Office
Guy Goes Into a Bar
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer, He drinks it, and 5 minutes later orders another. This goes on for 2 hours straight, the guy ordering a beer every 5 minutes or so. After 2 hours the guy has had 24 beers and is pretty drunk.
The bartender looks at the guy and says, "How did you do that/"
The guy responds, "It's no problem. You just chug 'em back."
Bartender; "Not the drinking part, I mean how did you drink 24 beers without going to the bathroom?"
The guy says, "Depends"
Bar
Glass
Yo mama is so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see the other side.
Yo Momma
Helpful Priest
A priest was walking down the street when he saw a little boy jumping up and down to try to reach a doorbell. So the priest walked over and pressed the button for the youngster. "And now what, my little man?" he asked.
"Now," said the boy, "run like hell!"
Kids
Flies
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around
with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh!, Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Relationships
Schizophrenic
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other
Medical
The Neutron
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?".
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
Bar
Blondes & Santa
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were invited to a party.
On the way, the dumb blonde's car broke down. The smart blonde missed the bus. Two of Santa Claus' reindeer ran away.
Who got to the party first?
The dumb blonde, because the other two don't exist!
Misc