Pizza, Anyone?
From Harper's Magazine:
Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75.
Technology
Have you tried turning it off and on again? The best modern tech support humor.
Idiot Computer Virus
We regret to inform you, but by opening this email, you have just received the 'Idiot Computer Virus'.
Since our staff does not have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all files from your hard drive immediately, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank You
Notes to Self
Bill Gates "Notes to self"
* Next time my wife says to buy china, she means dishes.
* When my son asks for a golf club for his birthday, he means a putter, not a golf course.
* When my wife asks for diamonds, she wants ones that will fit on a necklace.
* Don't forget to tip the valet who pushes around your cart at the grocery store.
* If someone offers you a drink, don't ask when we're eating dinner.
* When my daughter asks for an iPod, don't try to buy her the whole company.
Revenge!
A grandfather bought a hobby-horse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces. The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour; however, it took the old man two days to assemble the toy.
Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it to the company.
2 Car Jokes
Q: Why do Hondas and Hyundais have standard rear-window defoggers?
A: So your hands don't get cold when you're pushing them.
Q: What is the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine?
A: With a Porsche, the pricks are on the inside.
Assorted Windows95 One-Liners 11
The best way to accelerate Windows is through one.
Diagonals of an N-polygon
How many diagonals does an N-polygon have?
N(N-3)/2.
The Fibonacci Sequence
The Fibonacci sequence 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21... starts with two 1's, and each term afterward is the sum of its two predecessors.
Which one of the ten digits is the last to appear in the units position of a number in the Fibonacci sequence?
Just write out their units digits, and mark the digits that appear for the first time.
(1), 1, (2), (3), (5), (8), 3, 1, (4), 5, (9), 4, 3, (7), (0), ...
Therefore, 6 is the last to appear.
Rocket Science
As part of a class project, the teacher had every student create a model rocket. When she was teaching them about how the rockets lift into the air, some kids seemed to be confused. She scolded them yelling, "It's not that hard! It's not rocket science!"
Who Invented the Snooze Button?
I want to kick the guy who invented the snooze button...then five minutes later, I'll kick him again.
Thanks Andrew!
National Parks
Why do mathematicians like national parks?
Because of the natural logs.
Purple and Commutes
What's purple and commutes?
An Abelian grape.
What Does an Xbox 360 and a Prostitute Both Have in Common?
Both are attractive cost about $400 for 2 or 12 hours of fun.
But right when you're satisfied you get addicted to them,
And keep wasting money replacing em.
Fireworks
A special kind of firework with very bright colors and little smoke was accidentally discovered when a man tried to make the atomic bomb safer.
That defeats the original purpose.
1/3 Multiplied By 3
An analyst, a pure mathematician, and a statistician apply for a job. The interviewer asks each of them the question "What is 1/3 multiplied by 3?" The analyst enters it into his calculator and replies that the answer is 0.9999999. The pure mathematician replies that the answer is obviously 1. Then, the statistician asks the interviewer "What do you want it to be?"
Thirteen-dimensional Space
A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. "How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk. "My head's spinning," the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?" "Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."
User Errors
Attempting to enter a case-sensitive password with caps-lock on.
Not checking to ensure that the computer is indeed plugged in.
Clicking Yes on message boxes without reading them properly and deleting important files.
Forgetting to plug an ethernet cable into their laptop's network card when in the office.
Allowing sessions to timeout when using a web application.
Erroneous data entry.
The Book of Mozilla
And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days.
Legion
And the beast shall be made legion. Its numbers shall be increased a thousand thousand fold. The din of a million keyboards like unto a great storm shall cover the earth, and the followers of Mammon shall tremble.
Great Bird
And so at last the beast fell and the unbelievers rejoiced. But all was not lost, for from the ash rose a great bird. The bird gazed down upon the unbelievers and cast fire and thunder upon them. For the beast had been reborn with its strength renewed, and the followers of Mammon cowered in horror.
Remote
How dod the person take over the remote?
Remote
How did the person take over the remote?
He asked for remote CONTROLS!
The Men Who Swear at Computers
Have you ever had those days when your computer fucking sucks?
Now you have a poem to say!
I'm gonna get some Coke and a snack,
This should be FUCKING WORKING by the time I get back.
I used facebook for a few days and got addicted to it.
I've been studying since I was 6. Why the hell am I not addicted to it?