Computer
How do you tell a blondes been using your computer?
There's whiteout on the screen
Programming
We've compiled the funniest code-based humor so you don't have to git blame yourself for not laughing.
Blonde Buys Curtains
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain that's the size of my computer screen". The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not need curtains...."
And the blonde said:
"Helloooo.... I've got Windows!"
Computer
How do you tell that a blonde has been at a computer?
There is lipstick on the joy stick!
The Buddhist Computer Addict
Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
Blonde's Computer Freezes
What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave.
Computers and Blonds
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
The Code
A blond and her friends went to a bank to rob it. The blond's job was to get the code for the vault they wanted to rob. Finally, the blond came back to the vault and began punching in numbers. Each time she typed in a number it beeped a different sound. A friend asked, "Do you know the code?"
The blond said, "No, but listen." She made a whole bunch of beeps then said, "It's the funky town music!"
Oshakati Taxi Driver
What is the new name for a taxi in Oshakati? A computer. Why? It has windows, always crashes, & is driven by a thin black floppy with a virus.
Computer Trouble
A man called the computer company because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone.
"Hello. May I help you?
"Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk."
"I think I know what you should do."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"What should I do?"
"You should stop pressing the enter key."
5 Jokes
1) How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it!
2) How does a blonde kill a bird?
She throws it off a cliff!
3) How does a blonde lose 5 pounds?
She takes off her make up!
4) Why does a blonde wash her hair in the sink?
Because thats where you wash vegetables!
5) What did the blonde think of her new computer?
She couldn't get channel 9!
Annoy5
Ways To Annoy People In The Computer Lab
Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
Light candles in a circle around your terminal before starting.
Play "Pong" for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
Surveys & Contests
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Heart Attack
Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you're at a big, high-class casino.
At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.
Beware Of What You Say
A computer teacher who doesn't speak good english tells his student "Paul open the window let the Air Force Come."
At another time the same teacher and his wife sees one of his students in mall. The next day the teacher says to the student "Tim, yesterday I saw you with my wife at the mall."
My Little Blonde Sister
My brother and I were sitting at the computer reading the daily teaser from the past week. I read the last one (April 30th 2006) and my sister(who is a blonde) walks in to get a drink. I'm reading a line that says:"But, madam!", replied the bellman, and my sister walks up behind me and says "What did you call me?!" and I say, "Well I didn't call you any thing. I was reading this joke and she says, "Oh well I thought you were calling me a damn bitch!"
Misunderstanding
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.
"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.
"Yeth," lisped the farmer.
Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Occupation Punchlines
Here are some favorite sayings from people all over the world.
Doctor: Oops.
Secretary: I'm pregnant!
Travel Agent: I know what you did last summer...
Michael Jackson: I didn't do it!
Bill Clinton: I didn't do it! Oh wait...Yes, I did.
Computer Programmer: H0w d0 y0u w0rk th15 "Ch355" g4m3?? 1 N33D H3LP!!!111//
Pilot: Are we there yet?
Mad Scientist: I like Cows!
Cell Phone Tester: Can you hear me now?
Video Gamer: Can the line lag any further?
I'm Hungry!
One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre stayed late and all started to feel hungry. They decided to order in food by phone, but their boss thought that, since they worked with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After they contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."
Efficiency
IBM and IBC combine to create the perfect computer for financial management. Here's the headline on the weekly paper.
IBM: Do You?
Some Mergers
Honeywell & Imasco & Home Oil = Honey, I'm Home.
Denison Mines & Alliance & Metal Mining = Mine, All Mine.
3M & JC Penney & Canadian Opera Company = 3 Penney Opera.
Crabtree & Evelyn and Apple Computer = Crab Apple.
Swissair & Cheseborough-Ponds = Swisscheese.
John Deere & Abitibi-Price = Deere Abi.
And don't forget the failed merger between Yahoo and Netscape: Net'n'Yahoo. It didn't work out because they were afraid they would have to relocate the headquarters to Tel Aviv.
Stuipd Lines
A bag of Cheetos has a contest. It says "No Purchase neccesary" but the code is on the inside...
Weird Facts XVI
The first TV remote control, introduced in 1950, was called Lazy Bones.
Lemon sharks can give birth to about 36 babies at one time.
The top of the Empire State Building was originally built as a place to anchor blimps.
The area code in Cape Canaveral, Fl, is 321.
Lights Out
Ah...all the good things we get out of electricity: the T.V., computer, coffee machine, lights, and much more.
What happens when the electricity goes out?
You stop complaining that you can't watch T.V. or send an E-mail, and go buy battery-powered things!
Computer Power
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.
"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."