A Concert
You might be a redneck if..... you went weeks without food or shelter just so you could have front row seats to a Brooks-n'-Dunn concert.
Food
The only thing better than a good meal is a good joke about one.
Politicians
If "poly" means "many" and a tic is a bloodsucking creature, than what are politicians?
Too Sick to Come to Work
Kung Chow called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, leg hurt, I not come work."
The boss says: "Kung Chow I really need you today.
When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Kung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house."
When I was a Little Boy....
When I was a little boy, I was considered clever
for my age.
When you were a little boy, you must have eaten
paint chips.
HOW MANY BLONDES?
Q) How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A) 25!
One to mix the batter and 24 to peel the m&m's.
Best Diet
Best Friend to Former Fat Guy: Hey man, you're looking good. Looks like you lost lots of pounds. Any secrets?
Former Fat Guy: Eating dates.
Best Friend: Oh yeah? I've read that compared to other foods, dates have the highest anti-oxidant values. How much and how many times a week do you eat dates?
Former Fat Guy: Oh just one date every week-end. I eat first before I fuck.