Random Answers
Teacher: Larry, name two pronouns.
Larry: Who, Me?
Teacher: That answer is correct.
Kids
100% clean and family-friendly humor perfect for sharing at the dinner table.
Alphabet Problem
Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet?
Alvin: 18.
Teacher: Wrong, there are 26.
Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.
Reindeer
Teacher: Name an animal that lives in the tundra.
Pupil:A reindeer.
Teacher: Good, now name another one.
Pupil: Another reindeer.
Premature Pupil
"Teacher, I can't do this problem!"
"Any five year old can do that problem."
"Damn! No wonder I can't do it! I'm almost ten!"
Counting Cards
Teacher: Jimmy! Count from one all the way to ten!
Jimmy: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
Teacher: Good, now what comes after that?
Jimmy:Jack, queen and king!
I Cant Find My Boots!
Child: "Teacher! I can't find my boots!"
Teacher: "Are you sure?"
Child: "Yes! There is only one pair left, and it's not mine!"
Teacher:"Are you sure?"
Child:" Definitely! Mine had snow on them!"
Skinny Kid
Child: Mommy, why am I so skinny?
Mommy: Don't worry about it, dear. When your father was born, he only weighed four pounds.
Child: Really? Did he live?
Pregnant?
Once, a teacher was showing a child a picture of a firefighter taking a child out of a burning building. The teacher asked what that was. The child replied,"A pregnant firefighter." Instead of scolding him, she calmly asked,"Do you know what pregnant means?" The little boy just said, "Yes, it means to be carrying a child."
How to Make Your Parents Seem Senile
(especially if you do this in public)
Child: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Parent: Yes, of course.
Child: I mean something REALLY bad.
Parent: Of course...
Child: No, I mean something REALLY really bad.
Parent: No...
Child: No, really. Something REALLY really really-
Parent: ALL RIGHT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!???!!!???!!!???!!!???111///111///111///111///
Child: (Innocently) Nothing, why?
Misunderstood Warning
After class ends a 1st grader goes up to his teacher and says, "I don't mean to scare you Teacher but my parents said that if I keep getting bad grades, then..."
"Somebody's gonna get a spanking." (nodnod)
Too Fat
Friend 1:"Yeh,you are looking too fat."
Friend 2:"You are looking too old."
Friend 1:"I am not old."
Friend 2:"Then, I am not too fat."
Stolen Money
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
Detention
Teacher: Joey, your behavior is terrible! How many more times am I going to have to keep you in after school?
Joey: 97.
Teacher: 97?
Joey: Yeah. That's how many days are left until the summer holidays.
Dentists
How do the kids of dentists get around the neighborhood?
On Molar-Skates
Maths
The number you have dialed is imaginary.
Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
Learning
BOB- We were learning about fractions today in math class.
JOE- Oh, really? What did you learn?
BOB- One half of what I was supposed to!
Johnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny!
Little johnny walked into a club where people were doing the macarena. He watched them for a while, and asked someone: "What are you guys doing? Searching for your wallets?"
Shirts...
A middle school student was working at a shop for his after-school job. He had on a Dairy Queen shirt. A kindergarten student walked up to him and said, "Wow, I have 3 of those shirts! You must be cheap!"
Counting
Little Tommy ran to his dad and said "Daddy, daddy! Watch me count."
Tommy holds up his right hand, and, touching each finger, counts to five. "One, two, three, four, five."
"Good!" his dad exclaimed. "Can you count higher?"
Tommy pauses to think for a minute, then stretches his hand higher up in the air, past his head.
"One, two, three, four, five..."
Daughter and Mother
A mother and a her daughter go to a restaurant for breakfast to celebrate her birthday. The restaurant is known for its imported cheeses.
The mother asks, "Would you like some cheese, my angel?" The little girl says,"Sure, but can you take out the holes in the cheese?"
Little Johnny Learns About Bugs
Little Johnny: Hey dad, are bugs good to eat?
Dad: Son, let's not talk about that at the dinner table, okay?
Little Johnny and his dad were talking after dinner...
Dad: So what did you want to say about bugs?
Little Johnny: Oh, nothing. There was one in your soup, but it's gone now!
Why Not?
A mom was wanting to get her boobs enlarged. Unfortunately for her, she didn't have enough money to get it done. In fact, she had exactly half the money needed. She was telling her son, Little Benny, "Honey, Mommy really wants to get a boob job. But Mommy has only half the money." She hung her head, and her son said puzzled, "Well why can't mommy just pick one?"
Cat's Tail
Mom (Reprimandingly): Julia! How many times must I tell you not to pull the cat's tail?
Julia (Innocently): But Mom, I'm only holding the tail. It's the cat that's doing the pulling.
Misunderstanding?
Little Mikey's parents were going out, and Mikey said, "For 20 bucks, Dad, I'll be good."
"Oh please," said his father. "When I was your age, I was good for nothing."